Monday, June 25, 2018

dreaming with eyes wide open at the masterpiece in front of me & my wildest idea yet

I’m living and dreaming with eyes wide open. Seeing everything around me for what it has to offer. 2017 I fell in love with myself. 2018 I wanted to discover who I was even more. To be the very best version of myself, I have to challenge myself and get entirely out of my comfort zone. Internally I have been doing the work on myself. Learning more of what I want. 
Now I can go to find what I want from the world around me. There are so many things in this world that I love. There are so many more things in the world for me to fall in love with still.
I took time away from social media because when I finally was brave enough to quit my job, I was given what I always wanted. Time for the deepest introspection of myself. Time to learn more. Time to feel alive. And to create. 
I deleted all social media off of my phone. The more my face was glued to it, the less I was able to witness each moment in front of me. I wanted to be able to feel all the time I had. Every moment I was given. To be fully present so that I could experience it all.
For all moments eventually come to an end, nothing will last forever. I want to feel every one that I can. Especially after I finally was able to remove the things in my life that were taking away from my flow. So I felt each day. I didn’t plan. I let things unfold. I surrendered to the process. No need to rush or force. Knowing that everything that is meant to happen will.
I created. I felt all that I needed to feel and made art. All kinds of art. It flowed through me. Inspiration is all around and I was able to finally see it. I put more intention into my actions. More purpose into my art. More dedication to becoming.
I learned more. Reading, researching, writing and being curious about whatever made me feel something. I wanted to absorb all that inspired me. Art comes from creators trying to express what is inside. The time had come for me to allow all my insides to come through in paint, pencil, pen, photographs, words, connection, experiences, creation in every form. 
Life is art. When it is fully lived it becomes your best masterpiece.
A few days into a brand new year I had my wildest and craziest idea. I told my mom my thoughts and she responded without hesitation, agreed and told me what route she thought I should take. She knew just as I did that this chance would never happen again. I will never be this young, single & have the time to roam. An indefinite amount of time to discover who I am and create along the way. 
My wanderlust nature itched at me more and more as the days went on. But I knew I needed to surrender. It did not need to be rushed or forced. I knew I was going to eventually go. I felt it. Just the way to get there and how would be slowly figured out when the time was right. I just let the excitement brew inside me.
I've dreamed about it ever since I was a child. I assumed it would be with a love, but I think with where I am now it makes more sense that it is not. Slowly signs began appearing to lead me there. Last year I roamed around the Art Institute of Chicago, admiring all forms of art. Standing in front of the “Water Lilies” by Claude Monet admiring the serenity of the colors next to each other. A stranger standing close saw the way I was looking at it and said “if you ever have a chance to go to France, there you can see the painting in a panorama”. In my heart as she said the words I knew I would go. I had never felt more certain about something said by a stranger. 
Things began appearing. It kept becoming mentioned. I knew I would go to Paris. I felt it in my heart. It has always been a dream but I wasn’t meant to go at any sooner date than now. Than today. To see the art of all the greats. To be in the home of fashion, love & creation.
So as I am writing this from my friend's apartment, steps away from Notre Dame. I bought a one-way ticket to Paris. With no plan. With no expectations. All I am certain about is I am meant to be there. I am dreaming with eyes wide open. Seeing life in its true form, as it is the masterpiece around me. Finally, able to realize that I am art myself. I am a masterpiece trying to master peace. Bon voyage!