Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Kind Words// Part 3

Do you think you take enough time for yourself?
Do you love yourself?

Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship.
If you can't love yourself,
treat yourself with compassion, &
say kind things to yourself;
you can't expect to go out into a world wanting to receive love from others.
Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for all your relationships.

I am learning the hard way that I have not taken enough time for myself.
Or truly even like my self at times.
I have moments where I question every single thing about me.
My ego goes on rants about how I deserve to be sad and how I don't have the capabilities to achieve my dreams. My inner dialogue is my biggest critic and the biggest bully I know.
I have always been able to give others advice with soft and kind words, but I have never been able to do that for myself.

I have been a people pleaser as long as I can remember. Always there for people, trying my hardest to be the greatest friend. It became exhausting because I always put other's happiness above my own. It has taken until now for me to feel entirely disconnected from myself. 

I have allowed past emotions to bottle up inside me. I never truly experienced the pain when it happened and just tucked it under the mat. I didn't expect it to come flowing out of me onto people I love. All of this pain just erupted out of me. I never took the time to feel the emotions and go through the pain. Now years later, it is hitting me like a brick wall. I have finally been able to take the time for myself to focus on what I need. 

Which is to heal.
To take care of my self.
Truly love myself.
Every part.
Every quirk.
Every freckle.

I want to be able to sit with myself, and truly love everything about me.
As selfish as that sounds. It is incredibly important.
I'm not perfect. I am enough though. I need to believe it.

We are placed with obstacles in life to grow from.
I am slowly releasing the blocks of painful emotions.
Sometimes we let out hurt, fear or guilt onto someone to mask our own searing pain that we are afraid to feel. 
Releasing and forgiving.
Because I know from this point on, things will only get better.

Because now I will love every part of myself.

Shine as brightly as I once did.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Kind Words// Part 2

I’m not sure when it started.
I can’t remember how far back.
But I have always taken my hurt feelings and buried them deep.
I have always shoved them under the rug.
Pretending they didn’t exist, hiding the emotions I was feeling, and disregarding the fact that it was filling me up inside.

I always hid my pain.
Always told that it didn’t matter.
Or everyone feels that way.
Or there are people who have it far worse.
So I buried them.
One by one I hid them.
Not taking the time to feel.
Always focusing on trying to be happy and have fun.
But never feeling the emotion at that time that caused me upset.

Never taking the time for me.
To feel.
To heel.
To forgive.
& to let go.
So over the years it has built up inside me.
Filling me with anger and resentment that came out for moments but when realized would be hidden once again.
Pretending I am okay.
Trying to be the cool go with the flow girl that was always having fun.
Until I couldn’t pretend anymore. I couldn’t put my feelings, my emotions, my happiness aside anymore. I needed to take the time.
Take the time for me to figure things out. To care for myself.

To love myself.

One day at a time you heal.
One day at a time you grow.
One day at a time you find the happiness in every moment.
Let each day show you what it has to offer.

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Kind Words

Whenever one of my girlfriends is sad.
I feel myself getting infuriated.
How could someone so incredible & beautiful doubt herself.
I am always there to quickly remind her that she is incredible beyond measure.
That she deserves the greatest kind of love no matter what she believes.
That every bump in the road is just a journey in her path.
That you will learn and grow from each mistake.
That you can forgive those that have harmed you.
I would look at her and tell her you deserve more than you know.
I would be there and remind her she is loved.

One day.

I will be able to talk to myself with kind words that I speak to my loved ones.