Tuesday, June 4, 2019

fasting & feeling alive through Ramadan

I have just concluded fasting for 27 days in a row. The longest consecutive amount of time I have accomplished. I fasted from sunrise to sunset. Abstaining from consuming water, food, and negative talk towards myself and others.

It is part of my faith. It isn’t some weight loss fad that has become trendy through intermittent fasting. The holy month allows us to remove the distractions from our every day to be fully with our self to feel gratitude for the life we have.
Each Ramadan provides new lessons, clarity and gratitude in ways you never expect. It brings you closer to yourself and to love. Your mind is able to be cleansed as you quit bad habits and change your rituals. You feel lighter, more at peace and fully present.

Feeling the moments of each day as they unfold can be intimidating at first because you have nothing to fill yourself with or distract. We are only given a certain amount of energy each day. We get to decide what we do with it, where we will allow our energy to flow and how to use the power we have.
Not being in your homeland during such a holy month of connection and deep-rooted love is more difficult. You are not able to hear the prayers echoing through the village. You don’t see the fast in everyone’s body, manners, and energy. You don’t have an entire country around you to relate to what you are feeling and going through.

It becomes far more powerful of a connection with you and your higher self, when you don’t have the support of your country participating. Instead it’s time for you to thank God for the vessel you have to thrive in this world.
You feel more love through you, giving more compassion to others and yourself. Being able to recognize how your body and mind feel without food and water for 20 hours as you go through your day. You feel more gratitude for what you have been blessed with and can understand deeper for others with less.
You have to closely feel into your body to understand what it needs, and learn that it can do SO much with the energy you have. It doesn’t require much but we have been convinced that it needs everything before it can be satisfied or run properly.
Cravings and desires don’t last. They may feel strong as the long day starts. They feel like a strong pull persuading you of how badly you need it. But as the hours press on, your energy levels can only be given to things you truly care to think about. The pull to the distractions lessens.
I taught 3 yoga classes each week, I continued training with my boxing coach and going for walks in the park. I didn’t limit my movement rituals for I know my body can improve as I realize the power of my mind more.
Your awareness intensifies
Self-control strengthens as you resist actions.
You decide where you want your energy to go to.
Flexing spiritual muscles as our faith grows stronger.
Through love, gratitude, prayer, breath and existence; we strengthen our faith muscle connecting to the universe. While restricting food and behavior through fasting, we are able to restructure our patterns and limit worldly desires to reinforce our ability to progress.

Instead of trying to fill, to rush, to push passed here; I am able to gather the richness and the inspiration of this existence.
As I soften into my humanness with less mental distractions I realize I am my own loving guidance. Feeling unconditional love and forgiveness at my center. Taking the magnitude of each day with more intention to feel the fullness of all that we have. 

Our existence needs to be fully felt.
Feel your body. Hear only what it needs to be a loving energy source.
Thanking the universe, God, a higher source for all that is this life.
Aware of your body in space.
Aware of love emanating from your soul.

Monday, April 22, 2019

dear mother earth i'm sorry

Dear Earth,
I apologize for us all, for the way in which we have been treating you.
In the ways in which we have been treating each other as well.
We aren’t taking care of this beautiful planet and those that inhabit it.
We must be kinder.
To the ground we stand upon.
To the hearts near and far.
To each soul that is struggling through this journey of life.
We are all walking this path at this time together.
Mother Earth is trying to provide but she is hurting watching as fear grows through us.
We must be more loving.
Treat yourself with more compassion.
Give yourself space to feel and understand your heart.
To not allow the anger or sadness fill you so that you can not see or understand.
Earth can only give as much as you give yourself.
See this planet for all of its life and love.
For all the beauty it provides.
Be softer with your heart.
Hold it tenderly to understand we are all souls feeling so much.
Not paying attention to our bodies. Our temples.
Our homes. Our country.
Our earth.
Each other.
Each soul radiates.
Each soul battles with their story and their identity at different times.
Have more compassion for all those who occupy the soil we all stand upon in this universe.
Mother Earth, I thank you for doing all you can as we try to feel and deal with our confused hearts and misunderstood emotions.
I thank you for every star in the sky that lights a path.
For the moon that is always shining when we need it most.
I thank you for each sunrise and sunset, where colors emerge from the darkness.
For the beauty you have created for us to be more present in ourselves and where our two feet are planted.
Thank you,
a soul trying to love as deeply & compassionately as she can

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

The Girl Who Cried Freedom

Within the span of 8 months I’ve seen him perform twice.
My mind, heart and body were in two different places for each time.
Both stages were days filled with love and laughter.
Except this show I felt deeply within my heart. 

This man from the UK sang of pain and from the dwelling of my heart at this moment, I could feel it. Looking directly at him as his words came from deep within his soul and filled the room. I planted my feet on the ground to be able to allow the music in. As my body filled with its power, my hand clutched my heart.
He was feeling his pain as he revived his heart to tell his story.
Using that honesty of his emotions to reveal his story.
The words seeped into my aching heart and it burst. My eyes filled with tears slowly.
As he felt, the entire room felt the rawness of his heartbreak.
He opened his heart to show it to this small intimate room in Orlando.
Feeling and hearing the words illuminating what I couldn’t describe deep within.
I felt a release. A spiritual connection and letting go during his performance. His art.
He looked at the audience with the lights on.
Thanked them for giving him their time, for time is so precious.

Time is such a fascinating concept. The growth that happens as it passes by.
You don’t realize it until you are faced in similar surroundings or emotions.
The time to feel, to allow what needs to flow to come through.
As days pass, things begin to feel less.
As months go by, things feel differently.
The first time I saw him was in Paris at a free concert that we happened to find ourselves at. I discovered him months before when his music reoccurred in my yoga playlist because of the power of his voice and the instrumentals. Seeing his name on the weekend festival flyer, I knew I was destined to see him perform live. It was outside in the sunshine and I felt the joy within his lyrics and his energy. For I was among my two girlfriends letting inspiration consume us.

Music has this way of letting you feel emotions that you can’t truly convey. This understanding of your heart as you surrender to feeling it.
I woke up the next morning with these lyrics echoing inside me. 

“Oh, please be good to me
Oh save my soul and lead me home
I've been running for far too long
Oh, please be good to me” 
I surrender to this moment. 
To not run anymore, but to feel.

(All pictures taken by me in Paris, France July 2018, I was too present to take pictures at this last show)