Friday, June 22, 2018

find friendships that reciprocate the same love

I give love. I always have. To all those around me. It’s how I am, I can’t change it. Regardless of if it comes back, I still give it.
My best friend told me in college “no one has your heart, no one loves like you”. It was something she would tell me when I felt broken or sad about a person or situation. She knew how much energy, love & dedication I give to those around me. She saw my soul and never tried to change it. Even though we didn’t see eye to eye on everything, we always gave each other the room to be ourselves. Giving and receiving the same love and friendship to each other.
Friends should challenge, inspire, and push you. They want to make you feel special, loved & alive.
I want the best for everyone I meet, and people I haven’t even met yet. I want to see them succeed, to live, and to love. At times this causes intense heart break for me. I trust easily and have trouble with relationship boundaries. It’s something I’m always working on.
In college, I had Alyssa to be there for me. To tell me when I was going too far down a path that she could see pain ahead. She knew how intensely I put love into people. We were always so honest with one another and I never questioned her judgement because I knew it all came from love.
My heart has been broken time and time again. It takes time for me to heal because I feel a lot. I used to be ashamed of this, the amount I felt. I no longer shove the feelings away or mask them. I feel a lot, its who I am and it is because I love a lot. I wouldn’t change that for anything now. But with each heart break I learn. My first immediate reaction is to close off to everyone and think that others will make me feel that low, not enough or uncomfortable in my body. But I don’t want to close off to the entire world because people may not feel as much as I do or realize the hurt they are causing. I learn that we all love in our own ways. I appreciate those around me. I am learning to surround myself with those who put the same dedication into maintaining friendships as I do. I don’t have Alyssa to watch my loving energy being dumped into people that don’t care and to heed a warning from her anymore.
It’s about finding those select gems in your life. The ones that reciprocate the same amount of love back. That give the quality time towards a friendship to have it grow. Friendships that understand the levels of your heart because they feel the same.
People come into your life at all different times to teach you. Some may leave and it can hurt. Once they leave there is space that is created. Space for friends who will love you deeper and are more aligned with the person you are. They come at the right time to show you. Love is there. You deserve all the love. Surround yourself with only love.
If a friendship or romantic relationship seems toxic. If you feel judged for who you are or bullied by them. That is not a friend. It is not love. You should never feel uncomfortable in your skin around them.
You should feel comfort, ease and bliss to be your most authentic self.
When you are your youest you. Those who want to be around you will appear.
Be you. Your vibe and who you are, attract people towards you.
You should have friends that give perpetual support and honesty. Who are there to lift you up when you have fallen. So in the end you can stand fully in your own power and know truly who you are.
Friends who will forever love you. Who look at you with the same eyes through time. Eyes of kindness and wanting to know more about your heart.