Do you ever feel like a word, a song, a statement or something spoken to you brings you back to a certain time?
I felt that the other day.
One word brought me back to my childhood.
When I was born my father’s best friend was around often and became an uncle figure to me. He helped my parent’s out with taking care of me and has always been there my entire life. His parents, siblings and their children have also become a part of my family as well.
The other day we saw all his sisters, our faces lit up with excitement for the reunion, and we all scrunched together for hugs and kisses. All of them kept saying “Shasha it is so good to see you!”
This was my first ever nickname. Many people don’t even know it exist now except a few of my very close long time friends.
Shasha was the name my brother gave me when he could first speak. He had a lot of trouble saying my full name so it became Shasha and as a child that was my name.
I haven’t heard that name in a long time. That moment when they said it I was instantly taken back. I felt myself become that overalls wearing little girl prancing around free as a bird. I was overcome by these memories of playing with my Barbies, dressing my brother in girl’s clothes, and just dancing in my underwear. That name was my childhood and I felt it filling up inside of me.
After these flashbacks of my chubby cheek days, I realized that little innocent girl who always felt free was still inside of me. She never left. She was just subdued by the fears of tomorrow, the pain of the past and the anxieties of today. There is no reason for that fear, pain or anxiety. We are still the children we once were. We need to revel in that innocence, welcome each moment and make the most out of every situation like we once did. Let the creativity flow through us like the moment we received that fresh box of Crayola crayons with all the points perfectly ready for the coloring book pages. Let us dance to the beat of our own drum, be that in your underwear or clothed. Let us be free like the child within.
I am still Shasha.
& will always be.