Tuesday, July 2, 2019

28 & falling in love

As I approach 29, I celebrate 3.5 years booze free. I celebrate coming into myself in the most powerful way. Feeling into my skin to stretch myself wide. Knowing the love that lives within the spaces of my body and my truest desire to exude it. Feeling into all the experiences that have molded me into my being. All the struggles that allowed me to embrace the darkness with the same compassion as the light.
I received more clarity as I felt more into who I was. I gave myself permission to be full and to be whole. Allowing access to all parts of my being. I learned to feel full spectrums of emotions. To feel the depths of love, happiness & bliss, you must feel the opposite to appreciate the splendor of their gravity. Honoring difficult emotions by staying open to them and not suppressing what needs to be felt, allows them to shift and bring more room for sweetness.
I fell in love with myself during my 28th year on this planet.
I also fell in love and fell. I fell hard and had to pick up all the pieces of my heart.
But I was able to realize the power of love.
I was able to hold the heaviness of my own heart. I held it in my bare hands looking at all the shadows I’ve been fearful of facing, and as it pulsed in between my fingers I learned the love I needed to give it.

Heartbreak cuts you open to look at all the darkness poured out. The parts I never knew existed. I dove into the depths of my soul. Into the deepest sorrow to be able to feel even grander joy. I dredged the trenches of my heart to learn what the inside of it looks like. Removing barriers that held me from feeling love fully. From loving every single part of my being.
I was able to feel into the space within me. To learn the value of what I needed to fill my soul with. As I felt my energy I gave it only what would expand my heart, mind and being.

I began surrendering to my life by listening to all the messages it sends to me. Hearing when my soul craves connection and love. Fueling my vessel with nourishment and restoration. Be that delightful tastes from the earth, solitude or grounding in nature. Spending time barefoot in the dirt, wading my feet in running water and breathing in the fresh air as I wander to places familiar and new. Typically covered in mosquito bites, and bruises but fully living.
The more you search, the less you find. 
The more you surrender, the more you will live. 
As we continue down our path, somethings no longer feel aligned and it's okay to release them. All the hotdogs, booze and toxic humans from my past allowed me to feel the furthest from my center, so that I am able to embrace this real connected being now.

As I evolved, as did all avenues of me. My practices changed with time and my creative force went through transformation. As time goes on we expand and need practices to connect that match the frequency we are vibrating on. Then souls come into your life that match your frequency, that are on the same wave length as you. You can feel it through the effortless flow of your souls connecting. The ease of communicating and understanding what each other’s hearts feel like. The inspiration they provide and the support they give you to be fully authentically yourself. For they believe in you as they see your light shine, and they reciprocate the love you radiate. I fell into deep connection with friends I adore and admire.
I am a people admirer, I love connecting and learning about their individualistic selves. Discovering how we think, love, what we believe in and hope for. I am able to understand humans and love even deeper. We all search for and desire love. Perhaps we are looking too hard. Maybe it’s always been within. It’s all around. It radiates from your being when you connect with it.

This year taught me about the power of my energy. How we are all bodies of energy vibrating. I focused on my alignment with my truth. Filling all spaces of me with love and harnessing my power. When you put energy into falling in love with yourself, you call people into your life who love you to the same degree.
I flow into my body to give it the love it needs. Our bodies should be treated like palaces and they will respond with even more power when cherished. Movement has become my connection and healing this year. To release the energy that has been stored and awaken what has been dormant. My full self. A deeper breath of who my being is. Following my curiosities and taking leaps into exploration. Trying new forms of movement that intimidate me. Flexing belief and following intuition through it.

I dove into the depths of my being to embrace the full existence of myself.
I want to be unconditional love as I continue in my journey on this earth.
Finding balance each day to come from a place of presence and gratitude.
To soften into my humanness and forgive myself for the moments I veer away.
I take intentional moves to be the energy in the room.
I am working on allowing my traumas to become my nirvanas.
Allowing my imagination to strengthen everyday with each belief into my whimsical existing.